At the risk of being semi off topic....

I am chasing down a faint grey mist out of the left (driver's side) exhaust with regular condensation out of that side only.

Pulled the plugs on that side... front plug looks good grey/beige coating on electrode.... other three are black/sooty.

Checked the radiator, only slight scale in the overflow tank.

Emptied some oil as Neill suggested above, let it sit a while to separate if required, looks fine (if not a bit blacker than I expected), no water seen.

I can never get a good indication on the dip stick... one side usually has a smear along it (starting higher than the full mark) and the other side is just a drop of oil on the tip.

I recently added half a litre of oil (Mobil F1) to see if there was any movement on the 'smear'... none... so maybe I've just overfilled and I'm burning a bit of the oil? But that doesn't explain the condensation.